10. You have children and love them dearly (although they test your love daily).

9. You are married/committed (although your significant other tests the marriage/commitment daily).

8. You work full time and value your professional career (or value the idea of having a professional career, even if it is not the one you currently have).

7. You find little to no fulfillment spending an entire weekend shuttling children around to birthday parties, soccer practice or gymnastics.

6. You celebrate and embrace your mistakes and imperfections as a mother (hell, you might even bask in the glory of it).

5. You value your friendships with other women.

4. You can say the word "placenta" in public—loudly—without shame or embarrassment.

3. You seem to never quite remember your closest friends' birthdays, the day of your child's school picture, or what time soccer practice ends.

2. You're not quite sure what "PTA" stands for or even what it is.

And the number 1 sign you are a Schnockered Mom...

1. You feel no remorse leaving your husband to put the kid(s) to bed so you can go out drinking with the girls.